connection

My aunt gave me a dvd with our family old home movies. They are of my grandparents various anniversaries and of my parent's wedding.

It is an amazing thing to see your parents on their wedding day in action. Looking at all the hope and expectation in their face knowing what their future truly will be. I wonder if my sons will think the same when viewing mine in years to come.

It was such a strange thing to see them together. My parents have been divorced my whole life. They were married for about 5 years, and then had me, and basically divorced when I was 2, so I have no concept of them actually being together. They also used to fight terribly through me, and I couldn't imagine how 2 people who seemed to hate each other so much ever got together in the first place.

In their movie, they were kissing and hugging and they were in love. My dad was so young, barely 18, only recognizable by his mannerisms (God, I miss so much). My mom was pretty much the same, which makes sense as she really never grew up.

I watched this movie of these young people surrounded by their families with really bad hairdos, incessantly smoking, and I realized something. They were so normal. It was the scene of the typical American family sitting at long tables of food on those fold up chairs hiding in the corner of your basement this very minute, but of course that was just in the movie. I became a little angry that I wasn't afforded at least the appearance of normalcy in my life. In fact their normalcy shocked me it was so contrasting. I also realized as I stared at these two people of whom I am their only offspring, that I did not feel connected to them whatsoever.....