(untitled) exerpt 2

"You are like an eagle in a cage. You love your life with us, but there is another life you yearn for as well."

"What do you think I would do?"

"I think you would be writing, living in the city, reading your poetry at coffee houses. You wouldn't necessarily be with any one person, but you would have torrid flings now and again."

I'm not sure how I felt about his revelation. I was shocked, because he acts indifferent most of the time. I was shocked because I didn't acknowledge this about myself, yet it is true. It is something of which I am aware, but never fully brought into focus because it is a difficult thing to face. Wanting another life, a parallel life would mean that I don't want the life I have, and I do.

I think I should have felt relief with his statement, but I didn't. I felt angry. I felt as if he had this truth about me all this time and didn't share it. I found comfort in thinking he was oblivious to something I barely gave a passing glance. I also felt exposed. I wasn't trying to hide anything necessarily, but I thought I was better at masking what was going on in my head. I'd like to think I was putting on a good show. I guess I wasn't.

Yes, an eagle in a cage is what I am, I thought. So what now?

Now what indeed.