The Payoff

On the last day of school I attend two graduations, a middle school graduation and a high school graduation. I love to see the kids dressed up surrounded by beaming relatives marveling at their accomplishments.

I'll never understand why the middle school girls pick graduation to wear their first pair of high heels. I guess it's their way of showing how they are ready for their next stage of life, the one that may require the wearing of high heels. And I'll never understand why the high school girls insist on wearing heels that exceed 5 inches as they strut across the turf. Maybe it's their way of showing that they mastered the high heel wearing thing and are ready for the next stage of life, that may require.. um.. stilts?

This year's 8th grade graduation was quite emotional as a student who passed away was honored, and another student who has been very sick was able to attend and received quite an amazing standing ovation from her classmates and community. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

As I watch these kids accept their certificates and diplomas, I feel humbled and grateful to have been a part of their lives. I think about the conversations I have had with so many of them over the years and I am honored to be a thread in their grand tapestry, and I realize this is why I put up with all that I put up with during the year.

This is the payoff.

Congratulations to all the graduates and to the the people who love and support them throughout their lives!

something's gotta give...

I know I've lamented about work a great deal, and mostly about a crazy co-worker who was finally let go. We've had so much administrative movement (sounds like something one does alone in the bathroom with a newspaper) that no one knows what's going on half the time or what anyone's job is.

We got a new director... well, actually a new interim director and once again I find myself navigating the muddy waters of miscommunication and misunderstanding. It seems that when a newbie comes along they are so eager to prove themselves that instead of taking the time to really understand what and why things are done, they shove their past accomplishments down your throat and begin ripping well established things apart only to have to restore them because the previous once-resolved issues arise. All I know is that most of my time and sanity this year has been trying to keep the ship afloat.

I really don't give a crap about the administration, I am there for the kids. But the problem is that I can never get to "the kids" because my time is absorbed with this other stuff, and the whole thing is taking its toll on me emotionally and physically...

So this summer, I'm going to be doing some re-evaluating of my options. Mr. Elle is absolutely dead set against my leaving my job because of the salary and benefits, and I realize how incredibly lucky I am to have a recession proof job during these times, and truth be told, I am realistic about needing to stay for the benefit of my family as well. But I also know that I have to find some sort of balance in my world because I cannot continue down this pathway that is leading to my emotional and physical erosion.

I just can't seem to crack the career code. I want to love what I do.. and for the most part I do, when I am actually able to do what I love. That's the problem. It's like being and artist and given a studio with all the supplies one can imagine and not being able to create a thing before every supply is properly labeled and categorized.. and just when you are putting the label on the last tube of paint, someone comes in and rips off all the labels and you have to start all over again...

it's exhausting...

He was my first real true love. Parts of the relationship were magical, and parts were pure hell. We both had crazy home situations and did the best we could with what we knew, which wasn't much. We were together for 4 years, and things ended badly. I always wished him the best, and hoped that he would find peace and happiness in his life, as I had found in mine. I think he did, from what I read in his obituary today.


Goodbye Joe...

I'm only truly happy...

When I'm writing... and I haven't been writing.

I have been hiding out, waiting for this school year to end. It's been another rough one, and I'm doing what I can to get through the day and get to the next... Just 6 to go... sigh